Ever since I was a little kid, I felt fascination with everything morbid. I dressed my Barbie dolls in ripped clothes and made up tales where they would be tortures heroines fighting some enemies on the back of my dinosaur toy. At very young age, I decided to cut my hair short to stay different from all the other girls in school. My hair grew longer now, but the desire to never blend in stayed.
I remember that day fairly clear. We were riding on a school bus on some field trip, when the music playlist changed from “Britney-Spears-like” pop music to something I’ve never heard before but I instantly fell in love with it. I recored the song on my mp3 player (yes, it was a long time ago…) and later at home, I typed out the lyrics in You Tube search. And I’ve found it. It was Evanescence’s new hit, Bring Me to Life, the song that made wider public like that band. Many people from alternative world hate it when something becomes “mainstream”, but that mainstream got me to where I am today.
Using then fairly new You Tube, I discovered more bands similar to Evanescence and my music taste started changing – well, maybe “changing” is not the right word, I never really liked the pop music that was always on the radio. I grew up with Serbian rock bands such as Riblja Čorba or Vampiri, but I never really liked that either.

And through music videos and clips that other people made, I got into games such as Final Fantasy or Devil May Cry. I still remember looking at characters from those games and wanting to look cool like them, wearing half-armors and corsets and having strong makeup and perfect face. At age 11, I started wearing fingerless gloves combined with my mothers clothes and when I would go out I would put on some old plain choker I found.

It wasn’t until high school when I discovered goth subculture and I tried copying goths I found on Facebook and internet as well as I could, considering I was broke and I never got any support from my friends and family until later in life.

Nowdays, I don’t consider myself to be goth. I don’t consider myself to fit into boundaries of any subculture. I simply try my best to be me. But if it weren’t for that Evanescence song that started it all, I’m sure my style – and probably my life – wouldn’t be the same.